9 Tips for How NOT to wear Denim Cutoffs

1:16:00 AM

"California girls... daisy dukes, bikinis on top..." FYI: I'M JUST AS SICK OF THIS SONG AS MOST OF YOU. But, this summer, these booty-hugging, leg-baring denim cutoffs are hard to miss.  Now, if you're feeling brave and you'd like to participate in this trend, you need to be careful not to look like a tramp- to put it bluntly.  Please keep in mind these guidelines!


1. Denim Diaper-Butt.  
If you are over 5'5", beware of this potential fashion flub.  Your legs are so long, and so much skin is showing that your little booty shorts may start to look like little boy short panties.  Um, not cute.

2. DON'T go both short and tight.
Sausage-casing fit is not sexy.  Your thighs will be bubbling out the bottom of your shorts like a reverse muffin top, emphasizing and creating ripples of cellulite where it may have never existed.  Honestly, if you're going to wear denim cut offs, make sure that there is at least 1" between your leg and the fabric when you pull the shorts to one side.

3.  Most slimming length!
The most slimming length of shorts are those that hit the widest part of your thigh.  This length creates the illusion that the shorts are creating the bulk in the widest part of your thigh, rather that your thigh actually being that big.  I'm not insinuating that you have thunder thighs, but you get the picture.

4. Butt pockets should be non-bulky, unless you want a "bubble butt".  
The larger and more bulky the butt pockets, the more round and massive your booty will look.  Now if you're going for that Kim Kardashian booty, then heck, consider getting shorts with cargo pockets.  You might as well stuff the back pockets with Kleenex too!



5.  Nice legs without giving off that "stripper" vibe. 
Honestly, for everyday, the short length of daisy dukes usually provide enough sex appeal, so you won't need to wear a heel or wedge (unless you're going "out").  A flat shoe or sandal can still be elongating to your legs if they are in a nude color.  You want to avoid the gladiator style or colors that are dark, as both might make your legs resemble tree stumps.


6.  If the bottoms curl up, THROW THEM AWAY!
I've seen this look around wayyyy to much this summer.  The bottoms, since they are cutoffs, oftentimes start to curl up, especially if they are a tighter fit and made of a thin fabric.  If the bottoms do not lay flat, it just looks dirty and trashy, and your upper thighs start to peek out.  Exactly what the world wants to see... NOT.


7. If the bottoms are stringy, THROW THEM AWAY!
This is one of my pet peeves.  When a girl's cutoff shorts are unraveling to the point where there are strings hanging from her crotch, down her legs, I feel like need to go up to her and rip off the strings.  Does anyone else have this impulse?  If your shorts are unraveling... 1. don't dry them in the dryer, 2. snip the threads off with a scissors, and 3. consider a pair with edges rolled up (very popular right now).

8. Bend over, girl.
Do the bend and snap test.  If you bend over at the waist and you can see the lines of your butt cheeks, then these so-called "shorts" are actually underwear, and you should never wear them in public again unless you want to be mistaken for ..... um, yea. 

9. Warning: OVEREXPOSURE Guideline. 
If you are going to expose your gams to the world, please be sensible about how much cleavage you show, and don't even think about exposing that dangly belly button ring or, God-forbid, a butterfly tramp-stamp.  Instead, try wearing a flowy, billowy top or something with loose sleeves.

SUMMER LOVE, 
Dylan 

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