Modern Wife Life

This past June, a couple of days before our wedding, our wedding photographer met up with us to take some pre-wedding pictures and get to know each other.   We chose to take these photos on Berryhill Farm, where I grew up in Watertown, Minnesota.  It's 160 acres of beautiful rolling hills, lush woods, and Mud Lake (emphasis on the "Mud").   I have fond memories of growing up there, taking the motorboat around Mud Lake, riding our horses through the wooded trails, and cruising around on the golf cart with friends.  It was really special to be there with my husband.   It is a peaceful, sacred place to visit.  I can't wait to go back there in just a few months!

We were so blessed to be able to have 4 photoshoots before we got married, 3 in California and 1 in Minnesota.  P.S. I wasn't a crazy bride... 3 of those 4 were free of charge. After preparing for those 4 photoshoots and seeing what worked and what didn't, I have some helpful tips that I would like to pass along to all of the lovely engaged couples.  Hope you find these useful!

Fig & Rose Photography, La Jolla Shores

Tip #1: Whiten your teeth. Yes, it might sound vain, but you will be SO glad you did it.  The key here is that BOTH you and your partner should whiten, because otherwise there will be an obvious disparity. My husband and I whitened with Opalescence gel in trays for about 7 days before each photoshoot to touch up our original round of whitening.  White teeth brighten up your whole look.

Tip #2: Don't forget your LIPS.  This is for both ladies and gentlemen.  I see this in so many engagement photos... dried raisin lips. Ahhhhh!  I get it. You're taking pictures for 1+ hours. You're kissing a lot.   You're talking a lot.  Your lips are going to get dry.  But seriously bring a back up of chapstick for your man and bring something with color for you, whether that be a lip gloss, tinted lip balm or lipstick.  You will be so glad you did. 

Victoria Heer Photography, Balboa Park

Tip #3:  Add texture to your outfits.  It's really easy to focus on color or pattern when choosing your outfits. However, including texture really draws the eye to the two of you and adds depth and richness to the photos-- like a chiffon pleated dress (my fav), a quilted vest, fur accents, buckle details, a layered look, crinkled silk, an airy scarf, edgy leather, cozy flannel, eyelet details, cut outs, woven sweaters, ruched sides, ruffled sleeves, lace overlays, studs, sequins,  or suede.  

Tip #4: Take your engagement photos somewhere UNLIKE your wedding venue.  Take the opportunity to go for a totally different backdrop.  If your wedding is outside in the country, consider a more urban setting for your engagement photos.  If your wedding is inside, consider a more natural setting.  Our wedding was indoors in downtown Minneapolis, so our engagement photos were taken 1) on the beach, 2) in a park with lots of architecture, and 3) around the farm I grew up on. They all had a super different feel.

Victoria Heer Photography, Balboa Park

Tip #5: Clean your ring AND bring flowers!  Even if you just got it last week you should definitely clean it before your photo shoot.  And after seeing how amazing it was to have the bouquet of flowers at our shoot with Victoria Heer I would highly recommend bringing a bouquet as a prop.  The photographer will love having it to be creative with.  Look at what Victoria Heer did with my engagement ring the bouquet she brought for us!

Fig & Rose Photography, La Jolla Shores

Tip #7: Wear colors that ALSO coordinate with your home decor! Why? I realized this after our first photoshoot where I wore a pink & white dress.  I loved the photos, but we decorate mostly in beachy coastal colors like whites, grays, beiges, blues, greens... not pink.  If you have a great photo you would like to frame and display in your house, it's a great bonus if the colors flow nicely with your decor!  #alwaysthinkingahead

Tip #8: Practice any Pinterest poses that you want to copy beforehand.  You don't want to waste time pulling up Pinterest on your phone during the photoshoot to find that one cute engagement picture. Do the photographer a favor and practice it in a mirror beforehand so you're all set to go. 

Fig & Rose Photography

Tip #9: Ladies, try wearing something that will move with the breeze.  It looks really lovely in outdoor photos when you are wearing a floaty dress or skirt that flows nicely when there's a breeze.  While a structured sheath dress might look super classy, an airy, floaty ensemble will create interesting lines and a more lively, dreamy feel.

Tip #10: Request to receive all photos in color and not any in sepia or black and white.  Why?  Because you can always add the black and white or sepia filter yourself, but if there's a photo in black and white or sepia you can't reverse it to color yourself.  It gives you more options if there is a photo you love love love. 

Tip #11: Ladies, don't wear anything strapless.  For those close up shots of your faces you will probably look naked... and then it will look like an entirely different type of photo shoot.  Ehem, yeah.

Victoria Heer Photography

Tip #12: Make sure to get photos that feature the man, not just the woman.    A lot of photographers tend to focus the engagement session on the bride-to-be, showing more of her face, etc.  Sometimes they forget that the man is not just a prop.  The man is the handsome, incredible prince charming that swept her off her feet and he needs some face-time, too!  The amazing photographer Victoria Heer pointed this out to us and made sure to showcase my husband.

Tip #13: Choose posing-inspiration that matches your height ratios.  One amazing photographer, Victoria Heer, pointed out to me that a lot of couples have ideas for poses that totally don't work with their heights.  For example, if you and your partner are both 5'8" and you're trying to emulate a pose that is done with a 5'2" woman and 6'2" man it may not look the same... and it may not be possible without using stairs, etc.   Keep this in mind when looking for inspiration.

Fig & Rose Photography

Tip #14: Ask for a couple of individual shots as well.  It's nice to get an individual photo of each person during your engagement shoot, and sometimes couples forget to do this.  You'll be glad you got one and it's nice for mixing into your engagement shoot album. 

Love,

Mrs. Dylan Jahraus

Our long time family friend, Lisa Johnson aka Auntie Lisa, gave us the amazing gift of videography for our wedding.  Lisa filmed everything from the rehearsal dinner to the first dance and everything in between.  Literally, everything!  It was such a gift to have Lisa with us for all of the special moments, and we feel so blessed to have this footage to watch for years and years to come.  I can't wait to show our kids someday.  Before we left for San Diego she gave me all of the raw footage to play around with and I put together the video below with iMovie.  And let's just say I have a whole new appreciation for the art of videography.  Who knew you could spend an hour editing a 30 second clip!?

Finances are said to be the #1 source of disagreements among couples.  Money has the power to create extreme tension and many couples simply dread talking about it. 

The National Foundation for Credit Counseling found that 70% of adults have negative feelings when it comes to talking about money with their fiancé, and over 20% of adults said that the discussion would either lead to a fight, reveal unknown financial issues, or even cause them to break off the engagement.  Woah, what!?

I've pulled together 41 questions about finances to ask your future spouse.  Hopefully these help get the conversation started in a healthy, nonjudgemental way.

1. What motivates you to save money?
2. Does saving money make you feel good or deprived?
3. What would you do if you were given $3,000 in cash?
4. How concerned are you about saving for retirement?
5. Do you have money set aside for a "rainy day" or an emergency fund in case you lose your source of income?
6. How familiar are you with the various types of available financial investments such as stocks, bonds, 401(k)s, and IRAs?
7. Does part of your paycheck go directly into one of your company's investment plans such as 401(k), stock purchase program, or credit union?
8. Do you find it easy or difficult to save money?
9. Do you understand the concept of compound interest?
10. Are your attitudes towards saving money based on childhood experiences?
11. Have you ever been accused of being a cheapskate?
12. Do you save up enough cash for large purchases such as furniture, appliances, and vacations, or do you use credit cards and carry the balance?
13. Are you an impulsive spender?
14. Do you have an expensive hobby?
15. Are you a regular gambler?
16. How much debt are you currently carrying, excluding a mortgage?
17. Do you know your current credit rating?
18. How much do you usually spend on a gift for a friend or relative?
19. Have you ever been called a "shopaholic"?
20. Who will be responsible for making sure bills get paid on time?
21. Who will be responsible for determining the monthly budget?
22. Who will be responsible for keeping financial receipts and documents?
23. Who will be responsible for preparing your taxes? After all, I don't want to wonder when my tax refund for the year is coming, or even if it's coming at all.
24. Who will be responsible for making investment decisions?
25. How would you feel if your partner forbade you from purchasing an item, such as a big screen TV or an expensive pair of shoes?
26. How would you feel if your partner wanted to quit their job and go back to school, making you the only source of income for your family?

27. How would you feel if your partner managed all your money or made all the major financial decisions?
28. How would you feel if you or your partner was the only one bringing home an income? 

29. How would you feel if your partner bought an expensive item without consulting you first?
30. How would you feel if your partner lost a sizable amount of money in a bad investment?
31. How would you feel if your partner loaned someone money without your approval?
32. How would you feel if your partner had a higher income than you did?
33.  Are you proud of your financial success or do you wish it were better?
34. What do you think are the benefits and drawbacks to a prenuptial agreement?
35. Do you have a preexisting will or trust? Do you know the details of the contract?
36. Will you have one checking account or two separate accounts and keep your incomes separate?
37. Will you add each other's names to preexisting accounts and assets?
38. Have you informed your partner of any legal or credit obligations you have that could affect the financial and emotional status of your marriage?
39. Whose career takes priority and how much time and energy will you each devote to your jobs?
40. Under what conditions would you borrow money, and where would you get the funds?
41. Do you worry about being able to afford the type of lifestyle you want to have?

Hope you enjoyed!

Love,

Dylan

Perspectives, eh?  That feels like a broad topic. These questions will cover religion, race and culture, politics, career, and your future plans... following the chapters of the book, "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married."  Perspectives steer your future and set the example that your children will follow. It's super important to understand each other's beliefs and perspectives before you get married.  These questions will help improve understanding.

1. Do you and your partner share the same religious faith?

2. How important is religion in your own life?
3. How often do you plan on attending religious services?
4. Will you be an active member of your church's community?
5. What faith will you raise your children?  Is a specific denomination important to you?
6. Will you harbor any negative feelings toward any particular religion?
7. Will you contribute part of your income to a religious organization?
8. Do you and your partner disagree about certain religious beliefs? If so, describe.
9. If you seek marital counseling will you contact a religious professional?
10. Do you have a strong belief in astrology? 

11. Do you believe God has a plan for you to follow?  If so, what is it?
12. How strongly do you believe in fate and destiny?
13. Do you have a religious view of how the different sexes should behave?
14. Do you or your partner believe some racial or cultural stereotypes are true?
15. Have you ever been the victim of racism?
16. What are your feelings toward racial or ethnic jokes and slurs?
17. If you're a culturally or racially mixed couple, how will you cope with those who don't approve of your union?
18. Do you believe your partner doesn't really understand or respect your culture?  If so, what aspects?
19. Are you uncomfortable in a group where you are the only member of your race or culture? 
20. What's your political affiliation?

21. Do you think couples should share in the same party affiliation?
22. Did you vote in the last election?  if so, for which candidates?
23. What do you believe is the most important current issue in politics?
24. If you became a political activist, which organization would you support?
25. How would you feel if your partner supported an opposing candidate or political measure?
26. Do you feel we have too little, too much, or just enough laws protecting the environment?
27. What laws or policies do you think would make the world a better place?
28. What's your opinion on taxes? How would you determine who pays and how much should be paid?
29. What are your views on illegal immigration?
30. What is your ideal job?
31. If you have a degree, are you working in your field of studies?  If not, are you disappointed?

32. How long do you usually stay with a company?
33. Do you feel like you have a "job," or a "career"?
34. Would you take a job that required frequent overnight travel?
35. Do you want to change careers?  If so, what's your plan?
36. Would you rather have a job or be supported by your spouse?
37. How would you feel if your partner's job were more prestigious than yours?
38. Are you proud of what you do for a living?
39. Are you proud of what your partner does for a living?
40. Would you support your spouse's dream of starting a business or going back to school, even if it meant you needed to go back to work or that you wouldn't be financially stable for a while?
41. Are you the type of person to take your work home with you?
42. Have you ever been called a workaholic?
43. What would you do if your partner were laid off and couldn't find work for over a year?

44. Describe yourselves on your one-year anniversary of being married.... place of residence, type of housing, profession and income, family size, and a typical week in your life?

45. Describe yourselves on your ten-year anniversary of being married.... place of residence, type of housing, profession and income, family size, and a typical week in your life?
46. Describe yourselves on your twenty-year anniversary of being married.... place of residence, type of housing, profession and income, family size, and a typical week in your life?
47. Describe yourselves on your fifty-year anniversary of being married.... place of residence, type of housing, profession and income, family size, and a typical week in your life?

Dylan