The Life Changing Dating Tip: I Hope I Like You

11:31:00 PM

First date nerves.  We all get them.  It's that feeling of anticipation mixed with expectations mixed with optimism.  You tell yourself it's just a date.  It's not a big deal.  No pressure.  Dates happen all of the time.  Be cool.  It's just like a job interview.  But subconsciously you've built this up to be way bigger than a job interview.  This is a life interview.  In your mind, it's judgement day.  

You might think, "Oh no, that's not me. I don't care what people think of me."  Well, I'd beg to differ.  Do you wear deodorant?  Do you shave your legs? Yeah, that's what I thought. You care.  Saying "I don't care what people think of me" is usually a defense mechanism when we do care... a lot.   It's human instinct to want to feel accepted and included.   No shame in that!

Before a date we often talk to ourselves.  Sometimes out loud.  Sometimes in our heads.   Would he like cute and curly or sleek and straight?  Would he like a girly sundress or girl-next-door jeans?  Should I wear perfume or not?  Should I go smoky eye or fresh faced?  What should I order at the restaurant?  What topics should I avoid?  What will he think of my house/apartment?  What will he think of my job?  How do I come across like a happy, positive person?  How do I come across more put-together?  How do I appear smart but not snobby?  How do I appear assertive but not pushy?  How do I appear independent but not cold?  How should the date end?  How can I leave him wanting more?   What can I do to make him like me?

So what is the problem?   Creating the perfect, most-likeable image is completely POINTLESS if you don't like him.  You focus these early dates and weeks on attracting him, and by the time you've "got him" you might realize it wasn't even worth it.  Or worse... because you already invested the time and energy into attracting him, you might convince yourself to give it more time to develop instead of walking away. 

Here is my #1 dating tip:  Instead of approaching dating with the "I hope you like me" attitude, approach it with the "I hope I like you" attitude.   This perspective is life changing.  It alleviates pressure.  It replaces perfection with authenticity.  And it creates a balanced interaction.  You are not a hitch hiker begging to be picked up.  You are the driver of your own vehicle and you decide where it's going.   Hope that you'll like their sense of humor.  Hope that you'll like their personality.  Hope that you'll feel an attraction.  Hope that you'll have a good time.  Hope that you'll feel some chemistry.  Hope that you'll want a second date.  Take the pressure off yourself to be the perfect fit for them.  They'll appreciate it in the long run.  You both will!


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