21 Questions to Ask Your Significant Other About Their Past

6:37:00 PM

Three years ago I wrote the post, "81 Questions to Ask Your Significant Other" and it's gotten over 55,000 views, becoming my 7th most popular post in my 6+ years of blogging.   I've recently worked through a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married" and I've come across some fantastic questions that I think would be helpful for any serious relationship.  The book is broken up by chapters and subsections so I will cover the top questions in each category in a series of several posts.   This post is dedicated to questions you should ask each other about your pasts.  Why? It's important to be self-aware of where we came from, what shaped us, and how that impacts our relationships today.  It's easy to skim the surface of our pasts, but these questions help dig into the nooks and crannies. 

1. What characteristics of your parents' marriage would you like to see in yours?

2. What characteristics of your parents' marriage would you like to avoid?

3. In your family who was the main decision maker?

4. Would you like your marriage to follow this pattern as well?

5. Would you describe your parents' relationship as one-sided or a true partnership?

6. Would you describe your parents' relationship as being positive, passive, or poisonous?

7. Has your parents' marriage affected how you address problems with your partner?

8. Did your parents spend most of their leisure time together, or apart?

9. Did your parents frequently laugh together?

10. If your parents are divorced what do you believe was the cause of their divorce?

11. What do you believe is the primary cause of divorce in general?

12. If your parents are divorced, what have you learned that will help you avoid the same fate?

13. Growing up, did conversations among friends and family frequently involve complaining about the shortcomings of others?

14. Did those close to you believe that marriage was a burden or a joy?

15. Name a couple that you know who have a great marriage.  What attributes of their marriage would you like to emulate?

16. Did you ever suffer the loss of a family member?  If so, how did you cope with your grief?

17. Were you determined to be popular in school?  Were you popular?

18. Which subjects were your favorites in school and why?

19. Describe an unpleasant childhood memory that still bothers you.

20. Describe a pleasant childhood memory that made an impact on your life.

21. Would you like to relive your childhood? Why or why not?

Have fun with these!


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