10 Tips for Wearing High-Waisted Vintage Jean Shorts

4:52:00 PM

Here in London, temperatures are slowly rising... and so are the shorts.  That's right, high-rise "mom jeans" are back-- in the form of trendy vintage shorts!  You can find them anywhere from Topshop to Urban Outfitters.  My friend Brittany (an aspiring stylist) dressed me in a pair for her photo shoot here!  They're SUPER cute when worn CORRECTLY.  But recently I've seen some disastrous donks walking around London, and I want to post some helpful tips before this "diaper epidemic" sweeps America.  Consider this your fashion flu shot

1. Your shorts are too short if the pocket lining is hanging out of the bottom like a dirty Kleenex. 
2. If the pockets appear to be slanted on your lower back, you likely have "diaper-butt-syndrome."  
3. Unless your name is Amy Winehouse, you can't get away with the long, string-cheese edges.
4. Choose a pair with a zipper fly rather than a 4-button fly.  The style fits your bum COMPLETELY different.  Trust me, I've tried on many pairs.  
5. Just because you have little legs, it does not mean these shorts will flatter you.  It's all about waist/hip/booty/leg proportions.  
6. The point is to define your waist-- so please, add a belt, and no baggy tees.  I think a tight strapless top looks especially adorable tucked in.  
7. A simple pair of wedges can be the difference between looking frumpy & stumpy and looking hot & dangerous.  Yes, I just made a Ke$ha reference.  Release your annoyances in a comment below.
8. If wearing the shorts causes you physical pain, they probably look horrible.  *See the pictures below*
9. You should be able to slide your hand in the pocket without cutting off your circulation. 
10. Ask an honest friend how they look before buying them.  And I emphasize "honest", because we all have that friend who always says, "Oh-em-gee, you should totally get them!"  She just might be a pretty little liar-- you never know. 

 

In short: BUYER BEWARE!
Love,
Dylan

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