13 Things Guys Should NOT Do on a First Date5:13:00 PM
This one is for the fellas. Recent conversations have inspired me to compile a list of tips for you-- 13 things NOT to do on the first date. Some of these might seem like common sense, but making a good first impression is a "life skill" that we should never stop refining. Here are some reminders of what NOT to do on a first date.
1. Don't swear. Dropping the f-bomb on the first date is an absolute NO. This goes for all other curse words, too. Swearing on a first date suggests a) you have a poor vocabulary, b) you are inarticulate, or c) you don't care about your date. Let me put it this way-- a guy who swears on a first date is not someone I would bring around my parents or my sister.
2. Don't call your ex girlfriend "crazy." This scene has replayed itself so many times. You ask the guy, "So what happened?" and 80% of the time the guy says, "She was crazy. She was literally crazy. I'm serious. You won't believe some of the stuff she did." When a guy says this it sounds like a) he doesn't want to say what actually happened, and b) he doesn't think he did anything wrong in the relationship.
3. Don't let her pay.If a girl offers to pay, that's great. She is considerate. She doesn't actually expect you'll let her pay. A girl usually does this to see your reaction. Do you give a firm "no" and grab the check? Do you hesitate to reach for the check for a few seconds and consider her offer and then take it? Do you suggest you go halfsies? Do you let her pay for everything? Your reaction here sends a message and gives her insight. My advice: Don't lose the game in the last 10 seconds of the date.
4. Don't pick on someone too much before you know them. Playful banter can ease tension and build rapport. However, consider how this could come across when you first meet someone. If you try to be funny by picking apart what someone says or does, you might come across as critical or mean. It doesn't create the relaxed atmosphere that you intended for it to, but instead it hinders fluid communication.
5. Don't discuss other dates you've been on recently. On a first date it's common knowledge that you're on the dating scene. It's best to neither confirm nor deny your recent dating activity. If she asks you about it, keep it vague and subtly change the topic. This conversation is a lose-lose. If you say you have been on dates she will feel insecure. If you say you haven't been on dates then that might create the expectation that you won't be actively dating others.
6. Don't let the date last too long. A first date should be no more than 2-3 hours. Why not longer? If things don't go well you're both stuck in an awkward situation for longer than need be. And she will likely walk away from the date feeling like it was worse than it actually was because it was so strung out. On the other hand, if the date is bad, but shorter, then she might consider a second date to confirm things. If things do go well and it's a long date, then you're hurting your game because you're not leaving her wanting more. If the date is going well then you should end it at the height of impulse. She won't be able to stop thinking about you, guaranteed.
7. Don't talk about yourself the whole time. It's a fact that people LOVE talking about themselves. And people might not remember what you do or say, but they will always remember how you made them feel. If you talk about yourself too much during a date, she will not walk away feeling special or valued. Make a point to talk about her and ask her questions. She will remember how your curiosity made her feel special and interesting. Want to really make an impression? Tell her that you find her "intriguing." That word is $ in the bank.
8. Don't tell her your salary. When a guy brings up his salary it's just weird. We hear it as, "I need to tell you how much money I make because I'm afraid you'll think I'm not good enough for you otherwise." If you're trying to convey that you're financially responsible there are much more effective ways to do so.
9. Don't complain about your mom.Guys-- not a smart move. If you mention that your mom is always "nagging" you and asking you to call her more often you're raising red flag. Your relationship and communication (or lack thereof) with your mother gives us plenty of insight of what to expect from you. You might as well tell us that you are emotionally distant.
10. Don't stretch the truth to sound more attractive.
Whether it's about how often you work out, if you go to church, what your job title is, where you have traveled to, etc.... do not exaggerate or lie. This will always backfire.Whether it's about how often you work out, if you go to church, what your job title is, where you have traveled to, etc.... do not exaggerate or lie. This will always backfire.Whether it's about how often you work out, if you go to church, what your job title is, where you have traveled to, etc.... do not exaggerate or lie. This will always backfire.Whether it's about how often you work out, if you go to church, what your job title is, where you have traveled to, etc.... do not exaggerate or lie. This will always backfire. Don't brag about your "glory days" as a college/high school athlete.Playing sports is definitely a huge positive, don't get me wrong. It reflects determination, drive, teamwork, etc. However, if you're 35 years old and all you talk about is what a great college basketball player you were, then we have a problem. Yes, it may have helped shape who you are, but is that all that defines you? Give us more substance.
13. Don't let her shiver.
It's winter. It's going to happen. As soon as you see shivering, goosebumps, and arms crossed you need to fix it. Give her your jacket. She will try to say she is fine, but put it around her anyways. Take her hands in your hands and blow on them to warm them up. If you really want to be smooth then kiss the back of her hand before she pulls it away. Boom, you got yourself a second date.
Good luck! And while you're at it, check out my "35 Ways to Keep Chivalry Alive" and "How to Crack Common Girl Code".