It's important to discuss ideas of family and children as soon as you feel the relationship may become a long term commitment. You don't want to find out after a year of dating that you have opposing views of children and family. These are just some of the top questions are from the book, "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married", and they're designed to create a realistic picture of your desire have children, the kind of environment you want to bring children into, your parenting styles and expectations, and how much time you each plan to spend with your children. We all come from different backgrounds, so it's super important to be crystal clear about expectations for children and family before saying "I do.
1. Do you and your partner want to have children? If so, when do you plan to start a family?
2. How many children do you plan on having?
3. How important is it that you have at least one boy or one girl? Would you continue to have children until you had at least one boy or one girl?
4. If you both decided not to have children, are you sure neither one will have a change of mind? What would happen if someone does change his or her mind?
5. If you don't want to conceive, who will be responsible for birth control?
6. How will you and your spouse deal with an unplanned pregnancy?
7. How would you feel if you struggled to have children naturally, and how much would you be willing to spend on fertility treatments? Are you open to adoption?
8. How much time will you and your spouse agree to take off from your jobs once your child is born?
9. Is having a child the single most important thing in your life?
10. What are 5 reasons you would like to have children?
12. What are 5 reasons your partner would make a good parent?
13. What are 5 things that worry you about having children?
14. Who will take on the primary responsibility of disciplining your children?
15. Will your parenting style be similar to any of your parents or someone else?
16. Will you strive to be your child's friend more than being a parental figure?
17. What is your parenting style?
18. Have you ever said "I want to give my kids everything I never had growing up"? If so, what was lacking in your childhood?
19. How do you feel about spanking a child?
21. Describe how you would discipline your child for a minor offense. What do you consider a minor offense? How about a moderate and serious offense?
22. Do you and your partner plan on being strict disciplinarians?
23. Do you believe boys and girls should be raised differently? If so, how?
24. How will you show your children affection?
25. If you are waiting to have children until you feel you can afford them, what is enough money? If you didn't get to your monetary goal in an acceptable amount of time, how long would you continue waiting?
26. Do you plan on saving money for your children's education or financial security? If not, how do you plan to pay for their education?
27. Do you and your spouse plan on sending your children to private school? If so, are you aware of the costs?
28. Would you stay together in an unhappy marriage because of the financial security it offers your children?
29. What are your feelings about nannies and day care?
30. Would you rather choose: (a) a romantic vacation alone with your spouse or (b) a family vacation with your children?
31. Will one of you stay home until the child is old enough for that person to go back to work? What age do you consider old enough?
32. How much time do you plan on spending assisting your children with their schoolwork?
33. Do you believe children should be raised to fear and respect their elders?
34. How would you respond if your child started using profanity?
35. How would you response if your child was extremely shy?
36. How would you response if your daughter wanted to go on birth control?
And we'll stop there, ha! Hope you enjoyed!
, by Dylan Jahraus