It's important to discuss ideas of family and children as soon as you feel the relationship may become a long term commitment. You don't want to find out after a year of dating that you have opposing views of children and family. These are just some of the top questions are from the book, "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married", and they're designed to create a realistic picture of your desire have children, the kind of environment you want to bring children into, your parenting styles and expectations, and how much time you each plan to spend with your children. We all come from different backgrounds, so it's super important to be crystal clear about expectations for children and family before saying "I do.
1. Do you and your partner want to have children? If so, when do you plan to start a family? 2. How many children do you plan on having?
3. How important is it that you have at least one boy or one girl? Would you continue to have children until you had at least one boy or one girl?
4. If you both decided not to have children, are you sure neither one will have a change of mind? What would happen if someone does change his or her mind? 5. If you don't want to conceive, who will be responsible for birth control? 6. How will you and your spouse deal with an unplanned pregnancy?
7. How would you feel if you struggled to have children naturally, and how much would you be willing to spend on fertility treatments? Are you open to adoption?
8. How much time will you and your spouse agree to take off from your jobs once your child is born?
9. Is having a child the single most important thing in your life? 10. What are 5 reasons you would like to have children?
11. What are 5 reasons you would make a good parent?
12. What are 5 reasons your partner would make a good parent? 13. What are 5 things that worry you about having children? 14. Who will take on the primary responsibility of disciplining your children? 15.Will your parenting style be similar to any of your parents or someone else? 16. Will you strive to be your child's friend more than being a parental figure? 17. What is your parenting style? 18. Have you ever said "I want to give my kids everything I never had growing up"? If so, what was lacking in your childhood? 19. How do you feel about spanking a child?
20.Will you alter your TV viewing habits or language once you have children?
21. Describe how you would discipline your child for a minor offense. What do you consider a minor offense? How about a moderate and serious offense?
22. Do you and your partner plan on being strict disciplinarians?
23. Do you believe boys and girls should be raised differently? If so, how? 24. How will you show your children affection? 25. If you are waiting to have children until you feel you can afford them, what is enough money? If you didn't get to your monetary goal in an acceptable amount of time, how long would you continue waiting? 26. Do you plan on saving money for your children's education or financial security? If not, how do you plan to pay for their education?
27. Do you and your spouse plan on sending your children to private school? If so, are you aware of the costs? 28. Would you stay together in an unhappy marriage because of the financial security it offers your children? 29. What are your feelings about nannies and day care? 30.Would you rather choose: (a) a romantic vacation alone with your spouse or (b) a family vacation with your children? 31. Will one of you stay home until the child is old enough for that person to go back to work? What age do you consider old enough? 32. How much time do you plan on spending assisting your children with their schoolwork? 33. Do you believe children should be raised to fear and respect their elders? 34. How would you respond if your child started using profanity? 35. How would you response if your child was extremely shy? 36. How would you response if your daughter wanted to go on birth control?
Just like marriage brings together two sets of furniture, two sets of dishes, and two sets of decor, it also brings together two sets of preexisting friends, family, and professional relationships. In the previous chapter on parents and in-laws, Monica Leahy, author of "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married", reminds us that we cannot be all things to all people. When two networks collide, it takes compromise to work out the dynamics and priorities. Here are some fantastic questions to ask each other in your relationship concerning your pre-existing "networks" of relatives, friends, exes, and workplace relationships.
1. Do you feel it is important to get to know all your relatives well? 2.How long are you comfortable having relatives come and stay with you? 3.Would you like you and your partner to host large family gatherings? 4. Would you lend money to a relative who is having financial difficulties? 5. Do you encourage your partner to spend time alone with his/her friends? 6. Does your partner feel jealous when you socialize with friends of the opposite sex? 7.Is your partner the only friend you have? 8.Has your partner introduced you to his/her friends?
9.Would you mind if your partner tells their friends about your marital problems? 10.Does your partner try to socialize or fit in with your group of friends? 11. Are you the only friend your partner has?
12. If you and your partner have a fight do you immediately go to a friend for comfort? 13. Did you have pets growing up? 14.Will you get any pets after you've married? If so, what kind and how many? 15.Are there any types of pets you refuse to have? 16.Will you have your pets spayed or neutered? (Funny question, but it matters!) 17. If you wanted to get a pet but your partner didn't approve, what would you do?
18. Do you feel you've had closure with your former partner?
19.Will you allow contact between your partner and his or her former partner? 20.Does your ex still contact you on a regular basis? 21. Do you find that in many ways your partner is similar to your ex? 22. Are you still close to your former partner's family? 23. How long do you get along with coworkers? How would they describe you? 24.How well have you gotten along with past and present bosses? How would they describe you? 25.If you're a manager, what's your managerial style?
26. Are you impatient when you're not seated in a restaurant or attended to right away?
27. How do you react when you receive poor service at a restaurant or other business? 28. Do you give directions and recommendations on how to drive, what food to order, or what to buy when you're with others? 29.Are you chatty with strangers or do you keep to yourself? 30. How much do you tip when dining out?
The day has come! Today we received our engagement pictures from our incredible photographer, Dani Toscano. Dani has an incredible talent for photography and we are SO pleased with the results(check out her work here). These photos are from the engagement shoot fiasco at La Jolla Cove (read that blog post here). Can you believe she got all of these photos in about 20 minutes!? Anyways, we love these photos and are so excited for part two of the photo shoot that we scheduled for this Monday.