16 Problems with Women's Gym Shorts

5:56:00 PM

Classes are over, which means-- no more excuses to skip a work out.   While I am neither a personal trainer, nor a stylist, I am observant.  My favorite place at the gym is the stairclimber against the front wall of windows.  Why?  I can see everything.  Yes, Mr. I-work-out-by-the-cardio--area-just-to-show-off-to-the-ladies.  Everything.  What do guys wear to the gym?  Basketball shorts and a t-shirt.  Girls?  Not so much.  In particular, I've noticed that many women have a conflicting relationship with their gym shorts.  The sad thing is, many women don't even know it.  Here are 16 of the biggest problems I have seen with women and their chosen work out bottoms along with some helpful tips for more, ehem, flattering workout wear. 

1.  The most flattering waistbands are those that are a wide-band and rolled once.  Victoria's Secret PINK is known for this, and now you can find them in every store from Walmart to Target to Nordstrom.

2.  NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING is less becoming than tight gray Soffe shorts. 

3. If you are prone to sweating in your "rear" region, avoid cotton shorts and go with mesh.  Otherwise you get off the stationary bike and look like you just peed your pants.

4.  Puffy diaper shorts.  Please, no.  These shorts look like an inflated parachute around your butt, yet they are too tight around thigh.  When you swing your leg puffy diaper shorts do not stretch, but they "pull."  Think logistically, ladies.

5.  If your shorts are so loose on your legs that people can see your panties when you are on the stationary bike, then you need to thicken up your thighs or get some smaller shorts.

6. Do not roll your Soffe shorts more than 2 times.  I understand "trying to be sexy," but let's rethink the undies and back fat spilling out.

7. Color is key.  Black is favorable for larger hips or thighs, and, in general, white and gray are probably poor life decisions.

8. Please, no Victoria's Secret PINK cropped-sweats-stretched-down-to-your-ankles-to-meet-your-tube-socks.  

9. Exercise often becomes an excuse to wear ratty shirts from middle school and other items you would never wear in public. But who says that fitness is a valid reason to forgo public decency?  Not I, and certainly not the hottie you keep eyeing at the gym.

10. The most flattering capri length bottoms are those that are a compression-like spandex and fitted tight down to the mid-calf rather than straight or loose (see photo.  Otherwise it looks like your knee is as thick as your upper thigh.  

11. Ladies, gym shorts, like all other things, need to be washed.  That's all I have to say on that.

12. If you wouldn't wear it to the grocery store, you probably shouldn't wear it in the gym.

13. If your shorts are from the lingerie or pajama section, then they do not belong on an elliptical machine.

14. If your underwear covers more of your butt than your shorts, then we have serious issues.  You should probably print this list and carry it with you..  

15.  Gym shorts should not highlight the crease between your legs and buttocks. This is a totally inappropriate focal point, unless you're working out in your bedroom. 

16.  Just because you played volleyball in high school doesn't mean you should still wear spankies at age 45.  Yea, Professor ____, I see you.

See you at the gym!

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